One long year

A year ago our son died suddenly it was Sunday 20th July. We had spent the morning at our local market, drinking a beer at the cafe and watching the world go by. When we got home we had a phone call that no-one should ever have to take. Our lives changed that day and it has been a long and painful journey for us.

I have found it hard to blog or do much writing but fellow bloggers and Novel Racers have been very supportive for which I thank you. I am hopeful that my writing is getting back on track and that one of these days I will finally finish the first draft of my wip. It has been a long time coming!! I have been writing some short stories and of course some poems. The poems have been my way of grieving, words that have demanded to be written.

I wrote this poem last September.

I was not there

I was not there when death came on silent wings
I was not there to hold your hand or ease the pain
As an icy hand gripped your heart and held it til it was still.
I was not there to say a last goodbye
I was not there as your soul
Slipped it's earthly bonds.
I was not there.

I was not there as they sang "Jerusalem"
And "All things bright and beautiful"
I was not there as my tears fell silently.
I was not there as they lowered your body
Into the dark earth.
My soul had slipped its bonds
And was searching desperately for you
But you were not there.
My body called me back.
But I was not there as the sad procession
Walked slowly away
Leaving us alone.

Now all I have are memories
I must not let them slip
From my grasp
As I let you slip.

I was not there.

TBR pile and book review

For once I have a fabulous tbr pile of books. The most I have ever had and it's amazing to have such a choice. I have met someone here who runs an english language bookstall where you can borrow books. All secondhand that generally she gets given , so it is basically recycling. When she found out my passion for books she very kindly bought me a whole carrier bagful of books she thought i might like. How kind is that? And to add to that i had visited some charity shops with an old schoolfriend while in England and picked up half a dozen books plus some friends brought me the new books I had ordered at Xmas from Amazon. So I have this wonderful selection some picked by me some by an old friend and some by a new friend who has the same feelings towards books as I have so I have lent her a couple of mine as I know she will take care of them. When i have some more time I will put up a list of what I am reading at the moment and what else is in my lovely tbr pile.

I have only just received Black Boxes that i ordered at xmas so here is my review.

Black Boxes by Caroline Smailes.

I wondered how Caroline would follow such an original work as In Search of Adam but she has certainly achieved it with Black Boxes. It is another difficult read with a harrowing storyline but with her perceptive use of the English language it is very readable. It is not a book to "enjoy" because of the subject matter: bullying at school, post-natal depression, the break up of families. It takes you out of your comfort zone and brings you face to face with other peoples misery. The tension she engenders is palpable, her descriptions of the daughters life are heart-rending and realistic and leave you with a feeling of anger and impotence. The attention to detail with the sign language suggests to me a very intelligent and imaginative lady. Her characters come alive and die on the page and you care about them. It leaves you with unanswered questions and I will definitely re-read Black Boxes as I did In Search of Adam, as there are subtelties that demand another read. It has left me impatient for her next novel.

Now I have a lovely dilemma which book shall I read next?