Saturday, 23 June 2007

Now where was I ? Oh yes, the CUNNING PLAN!!!!! BUT DON'T MESS WITH DAISY!!!

We had to find a way to get Daisy's piglets out of her sight and earshot without being mortally injured by a very large very angry mummy pig.

The CUNNING PLAN included the following elements [in no particular order] : a large HORSEBOX, four enthusiastic friends [2 farmers and 2 townies], 2 pairs of HUGE PADDED GLOVES [used for handling liquid nitrogen], a NIMBLE OH [hummmmm], a large heavy OAK DOOR ,copious amounts of APPLES, 4 cooperative PIGLETS [aaarh!] oh and ME!!!! Plus a building through which we intended to move the piglets[ from their playground].

The CUNNING PLAN went something like this, in principal anyway: four friends arrive with their horsebox and park it in our back drive by the door to the building [which by the way had no doors!!!!] but leads past the pigsty to Daisy's outside run. I use the bucket of apples to lure the piglets through the doorway[no door] past the pigsty and out towards the horsebox. The OH hauls the very large and very heavy oak door across the doorway and uses his considerable strength to stop Daisy barging through the said doorway after her little ones. He weighs about 170 lbs she weighed about 350lbs. Meanwhile the four friends are there to ensure that the piglets calmly follow me up the ramp into the horsebox.

With me so far, now do pay attention, as I shall be asking questions!!!!!!!

The friends then drive away with all the piglets to their farm. I take the bucket of apples round to Daisy as a treat, she has barely noticed that her precious darlings are missing. The following day we drive over to our friends farm to fetch back our two piglets and put them in the wood out of Daisy's sight and hearing.

SIMPLE I HEAR YOU SAY! What could possibly go wrong?

Answers on a postcard to a very sheepish via the comments please.

If you can see any possible FLAWS then you can advise on future CUNNING PLANS.


leatherdykeuk said...

It sounds as cunning as a fox with a degree in cunning from Cunning University.

Jen said...

Good GRIEF! It all sounds like a cross between The Archers and Faulty Towers!

Let me know when you hook up the webcam ;)

JJ said...

Oh my god, next instalment, next instalment, pleeeeesee.

rivergirlie said...

pigs are very FIERCE and very STRONG. i once had to feed rasher and basher while my friends were away and the pesky thinks reduced me almost to tears! (and i'm ever so tough)

Caroline said...

It has to be to do with the piglets .... tell more ...

And I thought piggys were pink ... I am soooo naive!


liz fenwick said...

What happened????

Zinnia Cyclamen said...

I think the problem could have been the oak door being left to OH... I think he could have done with some help from a couple of friends. Go on, now, do tell!