I still have nights when I don't sleep well and I often have thoughts in my head that I just have to get up and write down. If I don't write them down there and then they have often gone by the morning or I don't remember them as I want to. The same thing happens sometimes when I am out running which is a bit trickier as I have to keep the thoughts in my head till I get home.
4th October running along by the river:
I lift my face to the sun and feel it's warmth
The river flows over my feet and it is icy cold.
I am held between light and warmth
Cold and dark.
I cannot move.
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11th November early morning:
There are two mes
There is the me who each morning
Along with her clothes
Puts on her public face.
The public me whose smile
Just avoids the eyes.
"How are you?" they say
And the public me says "I'm fine"
But the other me
Whose private face
Is sad and bewildered
Is Crying.
The other me who wants to say
My son is dead, grieve with me.
The other me who cannot understand
Why?
But the public me just says
"I'm fine."
I have a notebook where I write down all these thoughts, it helps to have them in one place.